happiness and pain

ever felt so contradictory before?
ever experience so much happiness and pure pain at the same time?
i was glad that u came and talk to me but i also felt the breaking of my heart.
ouch i guess
i dun wan it if u are just trying to pay me back or u felt obliged to give me becuz i gave u
it must come from ur heart. when even if i dun give u anything u will still wan to give me something

well i do now
its an indescribable feeling. leave u high and dry.

i will keep the mask on and the act going

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
im sooooooooo useless
so many things
so many words
so many thoughts
forget it

pissed

i feel like shit now.
angry with everything for no goddamn reason.
i think its becuz its christmas?
(LOL. who the hell feel angry becuz of christmas? i gotta be the first)
not really in the mood with everything that going around me

i really fuck care now.
it my way or the highway
im sick and tired
not just in the physical sense but also in the emotional and mental state
really feel like shit
ok. thats it. end of my ranting.

P.S.
good luck dude
dun end up like me
im already past saving.
it took all my willpower and im nt sure i have enough to keep me going

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

hmmm
dunno wat to say
dun even know wat im feeling and thinking now
ok


btw
LOL
dude... ya're tooooooooo obvious man
heard of something called discreet?
lol. guess im not the best person to tell ppl that.
HAHA. maybe u wanna try subtlety.
might work.


oh yar
good for you
hope u'll be better now:)

favor

do me a favor yea?
have fun. i mean seriously. have fun
dun need bother abt me
haha. i dun think u did.
but really, have fun without me.
i wont turn up.

phone

wat the point???
haiz. how many times have i said this? to myself and other people. nth can be done to help.
i didnt do anything. u made thing this way.
ok. should really let myself go. why punish myself for something or some choice made by other people.
im becoming an asshole
a thru and thru asshole
dun wanna think how my actions may affect ppl

i really should move out
is abt time too


well on another note,
IM GETTING MY IPOD TOUCH!!!!
lols
this means the end of using my phone as a mp3 player
thank you phone
every where i go i need my phone
this is not becuz i have a lot of impt phone call or msgs
but becuz i cant live without the music in my phone
seriously i dun use my phone for msging and talking much
the main use is the mp3 player
god knows i have tons of song in my phone
making it super laggy
so, as thanks to my dear phone,
im dedicating this post to my phone
LOL
IPOD TOUCH HERE I COMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

really

did i really
was it really
can i really

idk
only time will tell

jerry say and i quote
"i rather have sex with XXXXX den quarrel with my good fren gyver"
yea... that abt sums it up for me

tired

so i see this is how its gonna be
alright den
nothing much i can do
i already tried
at my expenses
getting involved too much too often
im gonna just be a bystander from now on


things WILL go back to how it was
i want them to. serious.
but i will nvr be the same
and maybe its not a bad thing
at least, at least I wont get hurt anymore
cuz u cant hurt a person who cant feel rite
and in fact, we can become close fren becuz of it
cuz i'll know that thats the furthest we'll go ;

X 1234567890

back to the way it was
thats what i wan now
and really
TOUCH WOOD X 99999999999

thanks and sorry
cant repeat that more than enough
i know u still dun believe me yet, i dun either
but it will definitely be better
thank lots


ok. my brain's half dead from all the thinking i have done.
need to sleep and let more brain cells grow back.
god knows i need it. the brain cells.

ok

all i managed was.......
ha
lol
big time lol
hell
damn
im not running away
not this time
yea
damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.damn.
k
im done
im fine
at least i will be
soon
real
soon

i need time
but for wat??
to do wat??

i know this will come
but it came too fast
i tot it will take a few more weeks
where i can use this time to sort out my thoughts
but today u came and im lost once again
dun blame urself
it shows how much u care abt this frenship
i understand
its my problem not yours

18

in the end
i replied
out of courtesy i guess

this yr
i've changed
ppl've changed
my way of seeing things and doing things is different from the past
i have nothing else to say
some things are best left unsaid
and somethings
i just dun feel like saying.


















welcome to the 18th yr
kinda regret replying
i dunno why also
maybe i just need some time
some time away from everything
and everybody



i am not that into twilight is becuz i have already read the book last year
in fact, i read the whole series already
i bet ppl wont be this interested if it wasnt made into a movie
another romantic love story
its a great read
and i felt this way be4 it was made into a movie
another book i think is interesting is the Pendragon series
tho its more for younger kids and there is no romantic love story in it,
i feel that it can teach things that even adults dun know

there is a difference between child-like and childish
and its important to know the difference


as a mark of becoming 18
im gonna tell u guys 8 stuff all of u dunno abt me( tho i know that no1 wants to know. haha)

• I have always wanted either extreme long hair or extreme short hair. but i cant make up my mind, therefore, my hair is always in this state of messiness and middle length.
• I am stupider than i look
• I am too kapo therefore i know more things den i should know
• I really like to msg and chat. of course, there are ppls and things i dun chat to or abt
• I always know more than what i show or let on
• It very easy to change my mind. all you gotta do is.............
• I have a serious love-hate relationship with my phone( sometimes i just feel like throwing it away)
• I really dun care abt occasions suchs as birthdays(including my own), Christmas or New Year

thanks

it's one in the morning now
i recieved 5 msgs and 1 call
thanks a lot
really appreciate it
not gonna mention names here
but i'll always rmb those who did
oh ya
im not gonna reply anyone
my thanks are all said here
those who dun come here den too bad

all the msgs abt having a nice day and such
haha
im not even going out of the house
yea
i can see that
it's gonna be a great day


on another thought
just to let all my females friends know
even if i msg u often and long
there is no hidden agenda
i just like to msg
dun start being paranoid
and think i like u
my thumbs are just itchy

ok.. but by the time im done i received another msg:)

Untitled

im gonna allow myself this 5 mins to be sad
things have to be let go
all i can say is
sorry
thanks
and
finally
bye

it's just another day in my life
i dun need presents or wishes
tho its really really appreciated
thanks to those who gave me the present
to those who forgot
its fine
im used to it
haha ;D

think

thought
think
thinking
made up
my mind
not clear
must do
best way
wait
time
fast
back
friend
i
fine
not now
maybe
later
thanks

Vunerable - Secondhand Serenade

Share with me the blankets that your wrapped in
because its cold outside cold outside its cold outside
share with me the secrets that you kept in
because its cold inside cold inside its cold inside

and your slowly shaking finger tips
show that your scared like me so
let's pretend we're alone
and I know you may be scared
and I know were unprepared
but I don't care

tell me tell me
what makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure
please don't tell me that I am the only one that's vulnerable
impossible

I was born to tell you I love you
isn't that a song already
I get a B in originality
and it's true I cant go on without you
your smile makes me see clearer
if you could only see in the mirror what I see

and your slowly shaking finger tips
show that your scared like me so
let's pretend we're alone
and I know you may be scared
and I know were unprepared
but I don't care

tell me tell me
what makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure
please don't tell me that I am the only one that's vulnerable
impossible

slow down girl your not going anywhere
just wait around and see
maybe I am much more you never no what lies ahead
I promise I can be anyone I can be anything
just because you were hurt doesn't mean you shouldn't bleed
I can be anyone anything I promise I can be what you need

tell me tell me
what makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that your so sure
please don't tell me that I am the only one that's vulnerable
impossible

2 stories

realised that my previous two post too emo
so, to lighten or lessen the emoness,
i am gonna tell u a story or two

a guy who has been deprived of sleep for two days, is freaking tired and frustrated by the things going on around him decided to walk home instead of taking a bus home. he relished the walk, feeling that it help clear his head a bit and sort out his thought a bit. he walk past a park and on a spur of the moment, decided to go back to nature a bit, so he took the longer route thru the park. he wanted a getaway from the frustration in life and all the confusing things that is bothering him. he walks thru the park breathing the fresh air and enjoying the sound of nature, the sounds of birds and the rustling of trees. NOT!!! all he hear is the sounds of cars, buses and bikes cruising past on the road outside. every where he turn to he see the sign of human interventing with nature. he wonders, why does Man have to destroy everything nature have given to them and only to start regretting when nature have nothing else left to give and den try to protect nature when its already too late. well, at least we tried he reasoned. yet there is nothing we can do to make thing back to how it was.

morale of the story? dun take things for granted.

i am not some Mother Earth loving environmentalist.
just somebody who actually thought about what would happen in the not too near future
would the earth still survive? is there an End Of Days?

here's another story,
a boy at the age who 12 found out by accident that he was an adopted child. his thinking is consider matured for children his age but nevertheless, he was still a kid. he was lost at wat to do. worst of all, he found out that he came from the very country which he had depised since young. he was shocked and scared. scared that if his peer found out that he is from that country they would depise him too, like how he used to depise people from that country. he didnt know how to handle the situation yet he is matured enough not to confront his parents. so bit by bit, he confirmed the fact and came to his own conclusion on wat to do.

he also learnt the reasons to some of the treatment he had received from some of his relative. he now knows that the reason why some of his relative treat him like an outsider. yet, he felt no anger. he felt only relief and gratefulness. grateful to his parents for adopting him. bringing him out of that shit hole of a place. he started thinking, what the hell would have happened to me if i wasnt adopted? would i be given to some orphanage? or would i grow up to be a farmer or something along that line? would i even be able to receive a proper education? or even worse, would i even be able to live past 5 year old?

from that day onwards, he grew. he learnt how to put up a mask in front of his parents. to always show a happy face regardless how depressed he might feel. to always let his parent have their way even if they were wrong. he felt that all this is still not enough to pay his foster parents for wat they have done for him. he decided to stop relying on his foster parents the moment he have the ability to earn money, to feed himself. he almost never asked for anything extravagant and his prayers were simple, only for his family member to be happy. up till today, he have kept up the mask for almost 6 years and tried his very best to repay his debts and nvr let his parents worry about him. he had kept his silence and will carry on till the day his foster parent decide to tell him themselves or till the day they die. he is tired, extremely tired but he'll never give up.

this is a true story.
people out there, how would u feel and react if u were the boy.
to find out that u are not ur parents biological child can be quite a blow, moreover at the tender age of 12.
would u keep ur peace or would u have gone to confront ur parents?
cherish the people around you
it matter not who they once were or where they came from
if you were ever rude to ur parents, think about this:
they scold becuz they care
they bothered becuz they loved you
how would u feel if one day they just decided to ignore you?
let u do wat ever u wan?
sure... u'll feel great at first but slowly the emptiness will start to swallow you up.
you'll feel neglected and alone.
everyone need somebody who care and love them
and your parents would be the only one who love and care for u unconditionally,
regardless how u feel towards them
they might not show it in the most direct way
but they care, they really do
it really doesnt matter whether they are biological or not.
so now take this chance
tell your parent/s this the very next moment u see them:
I LOVE YOU MUM AND DAD!!!
dun take them for granted cuz u nvr know when they might leave you.

wao

wao... feel kan phua betrayed for like no good reason??? =T
paranoia would be a good word now.
guess there is no going back.
the hurt is done and tho it'll heal, there will always be the scar there to remind me.
i refuse to and wont let it affect me
cuz i always believe in second chance and i also understand that sometimes, its becuz of circumstances.
yet, easier said den done

shit. regretting it now. why i so bo liao?
got time dun use to study go play wat friendster
knn
now no mood study le
FUCK!
*first time using vulgarity outright(just no other words that will suffice), hope its the last time

im starting to feel suspicious abt every single shit my friends do or say to me. wat he/she mean when he/she say that. wat he/she mean when he/she do that. is there anything they are keeping from me again.why he/she suddenly tell me that, etc. i know that its unhealthy for the friendship but i cant help it.... ULTRA PARANOIA MODE... i seriously feel like an mfing SOAB asshole bastard....

10

10 and counting down
still thinking abt it
its a hard decision u know


我又何苦在乎得不到的温柔
told u i sucks at this
sorry if i left u helpless

bad

im tired, pissed and frustrated. yea ppl from mkting, conB i know. used most of the 8 defense mechanism also no use. things are going out of my hand. in the foulest mood ever. try not to piss me off this week. i might f***ing kill you. lol(just to make u feel as though i wouldnt really kill you but i will).

lost and confused? received opinions. good and bad. it really kinda of one-sided though.
touching? scary?
i dun really get it. yet i understand wat he really mean.
den again, whats the point if it didn't even reach the person intended.
写得再好听， 再感动，如果你的看法和我不一样， 那就什么用都没有。
no more from today onwards i guess.
i just wanted a place to vent my frustration, to show my feeling without holding any thing back.
yet... yet...
thanks for the advice, it really help.
put things into perspective
maybe i was just being an insensitive bastard
regardless what, there is still consequences to bear,especially when writing on a public domain.
but am i gonna change? not sure. havent found my way yet.
顺其自然?? see how lor.(my fav phrase, see how lor.lol)

what i really wanna do now?
i feel like accepting the offer.
leave this god damn place and start afresh
left with 11 days to make the decision
can i really let everything/everyone go?
我放得下吗？
it is a one way trip.
= T
will u be scared off? neh, i think indifferent is more like it

bye bye.. off to blaw
P.S. today FM flunked le 30 dec dun ask me out cuz got retest

road trip

hmmm... now no mood blog yet... maybe later... after i pack my bag...
----later at 3Am----
hmmm.. finally all packed and ready to go... all thats left is my laptop... shall keep it after i finish typing this post..

getting ready for this trip is starting to remind me of KL trip... all the times we had... all the fun... nothing to distract us... no pressure no worries.... it was a true getaway... no one to trouble us with anything... handphone was just a tool for waking up...seeing each others for 4 whole days... crazy time(or should i say sleeping time) on the train and bus... i would always remember the KL trip... guess it is impossible for me not to think of u when ever i am taking a train.. those time are precious memories to me...
it was on this trip when i realised that i am not over you. i have never truely let u go and i still have feelings for you. and these feelings came back harder and stronger than ever.
i have this image/scenario in my mind.it came to me while i was daydreaming. it was there since last year, when i first fell in love with you. it resurfaced recently, while i was working at adidas and they were playing chrismas songs. the songs reminded me of the hopes and feelings that i have for you. the dream went like this:
we are walking down orchard road dhoby ghaut den Vivocity,hand in hand, looking at the festive lighting, celebrating chrismas together.it was in the afternoon.we were having a great time together.before splitting ways i gave you your chrismas present and my first kiss, telling you that i love you,and den off you went to your chrismas parties and me to work feeling full and loved...
but from your actions, i know that its close to impossible for it to happen in reality. it feels as though all my efforts were in vain. the furthest all the messages i sent you reached is your phone. tell me, were you ever touched by all those efforts? but den again, i didnt do much, did i? all i did was to irritate you with the persistent msging and disturbing you from studying. my bad. i have no experience you know.
i never wanted anything for my birthday and chrismas since the day i found out *. asking for something felt childish and greedy to me. all the wishes i made were for my families and friends to stay happy and healthy.
i never wanted something so badly that i would wish for it. if i want it i would work for it. but this time, Santa, if you can hear me, hear my sincere prayer. all i want for my birthday and chrismas is simple. so simple that it is impossible for anyone else to do it.
guess you know what i really want but i also understand it cant be forced. so Santa, hear me, all i want for chrismas is for her to be happy. as simple as that. i want to be the one to bring her happiness but the decision is still up to her.
let me try again after the MST. i wanna touch you emotionally, wan to be the one for you, wan to be the one in your love story/daydream. but this time, i hope u can try too, give me a chance, dun avoid me if i ask you out. it take two hands to clap... you wouldn't know if you didnt try...

see you when i come back:)

Impossibility?

ok... met up with some secondary school frens just now to celebrate STEPHANIE KHOO birthday...had a great time with them... did some heart-to-heart talk with some of them too... moments of truth??? heard somethings that i dun really wanna hear... but these are the truth so yea truth hurts i guess... maybe i should really consider korea??? damn!!! is it really that bad???

is it really impossible for a guy to use sincerity to touch a gal's heart??? wont a gal give the guy a chance to treat her right, a chance to show her love??? does such thing happen in korea, taiwan and japan drama only??? is THAT special feeling the only thing that is a factor, the only thing that matters, the only thing that is important??? hope not...

I am not sure my messages will reach ur heart
I am not sure whether you are irritated with all my messages
I am not sure my actions would touch you
I am not sure that one day you'll be touched
I am not sure whether you are gonna give me a chance or you just trying to be nice
I am not sure whether you are trying to convey something to me via your actions
but, but, but
I am sure that i am not confused
I am sure that i need you
I am sure of my determination,
to tear down those wall
to treat you right
to protect you
to try my best to nvr let u cry.

represent

i am having mood swings. and she just like to come and make things worse dont she. maybe she didnt see my previous post or she decided to test my patience. why cant u freaking do anything urself. ur fren helped u previously rite? ask him help again lar.
ok. im being harsh here. my bad. mood swing and u always choose the wrong time.

hmmm. wonder u reached home le anot.
using songs to represent me
things that i wanna tell u: 妳是我的寶貝/数到五答应我- 曹格/ fall for you-secondhand serenade/ i love you-joanna wang
how i feel now: 沿海公路的出口-S.H.E
wat i hope to see: 简单爱-jay chou

still waiting, always waiting
i guess i am becoming a bit irritating??? lols


everybody is studying hard except for me???
damn!!!!

erms

WAO... just back from MMSP08/09... haha.. first of all.. congrats to jess wong xue ying for winning Ms. Body Beautiful and Ms. Congeniality (did i spell it rite?)... whoo!!! even thought u didnt become Ms Singapore Polytechnic 08/09, u were the biggest winner with two titles!!! haha... blame daryl for saying u were no.3... got curse le thats why u got 2nd runner-up... lols... hey... i am super close to losing my voice from cheering for u, jess.... u own me.. lols... joking... anyway, ur 3 wish answer should have WORLD PEACE... liddat confirm win de.... wasted..



well... i dun wanna sound rude or anything but can u stop turning to me for every single freaking thing that happen... sorry if i sound *****(fill in urself) but i have got enough things going thru my head at the moment and i dun need u to make things worse for me... in a direct and simple way of saying, which i used it very often in the past: dun make ur problem into my problem. i'vr got enough problem so dun make my problem worse.... maybe in the past i could help but now im really not in the mood... sorry...


i cant focus on studying for MST... next week is nearly impossible for me to study with all the work and the trip... damn... bad habit of mine... should really get rid of it... always letting such things affect me... and always during the exams periods... shouldnt i be numb to this kind of prob since i get rejected all the time...


hmmm...
hope i am not disturbing u with all the msgs....
that was nvr my intention...
i wonder wats ur take?
really that bad ma?
have to do this ma?
still waiting
aint giving up that easily
determined : I
and take care ok?
dun let urself fall sick.

I

i send messages hoping to brighten up your day, to bring a smile to your face when you are tired and stressed over studies, to send u to sleep knowing that someone cares for u.
hopefully, my messages reaches your heart not just your phone.
i don't mind waiting.
for you or your msgs
after the exams OK?
good luck and 加油 for the exams!!!
:)
i know its a bit confusing but now im super clear ok?


supposed to blog abt my tarots reading but hehs. shall do it another day(if i can still remember).
anyways, its quite fun and worth a try.( guess wat i ask abt ;D)
a sneak preview
i've got the cards:
past - death
present- the chariot
future- temperance

hmmm

Finally thought things through and sorted out my thoughts. i am in an ultra clear state of mind. Feel that i matured quite a bit over the past few weeks. going thru the things that happened to me and learning so much stuff abt ppl, abt frens and abt maintaining a relationship. at least NO more sleepless nite:D


apologise here first for any inconvience that mighted be caused for wat i am gonna say


to gal 1:
i guess it was infatuation. u were there when i was at my weakest, we shared secrets, and u were there when i needed to find someone to replace her, to distract me from thinking abt her. it was a huge mistake.sorry for giving the wrong signals. really regreted it and it caused me to lose a fren in u. i will do my best to salvage this frenship.

to YOU:
giving up was my biggest regret. i should have given it my best so now that is what i am gonna do. i am very sure of wat i am doing and wat i am gonna do. no mixed feelings. i am past caring wat other ppl might say. i am gonna be super obvious ok. i am gonna go all out. use every single trick i have up my sleeve and in my books but some how these tricks cant seems to work when its you. lols. so i guess it back to basics. SINCERITY!!!! haha. i know u said there were no spark, no 'special feeling' but i am gonna do my best to create that special feeling. i am not giving up this time even if u have a bf. i am gonna keep waiting. just give me a chance. i am confident of giving u happiness. love ya.
:D

RANDOM THOUGHTS

i cant sleep... been thinking abt some stuffs... i know... some ppl are gonna say i think too much or say i emo again... sometimes emo is not a bad thing... it lets me have some space and time to think abt some more important aspects of my life... well... thank god my lesson start at 11 tmr... but i will try my best to go school at ard 9 to study??? lols

define friends.
someone who is always there for u when u need them?
someone who u share happiness & sadness with?
someone whom u know will definitely be there to back u up and trust u unconditionally?
or simply just some person who have the same frequency with u therefore u just click together?

wat do u do with ur 'fren' most of the time?
gossipping? heart to heart talking?

am kinda sick of all this superficial frens
who dare say u treat ur fren with 100% of ur heart
if u think u do let me know
i would gladly be fren with u
i try my best to be true to all my frens
but heard and gone thru so much disappointing things that made me lose faith

i am still waiting for that one true fren to appear
wonder who will it be??
dun take too long
i might not last that long

for those who keep saying i emo
it just goes to show how much u know me and how much u dun

:)

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read it left to right, u get happy faces
read it right to left, u get sad faces
life is a two faced bitch
it up to u whether u wanna spend it happily or sadly
as for me... sorry no comments.

鄭中基

绝口不提爱你 闭上眼睛忍住呼吸 暂时要和世界脱离 就快要学会不再想你 却听见不断跳动的心 我允许了你 让爱的自由还给你 我允许了自己 承受这悲伤到天明 我不愿放弃却要故意默默允许 我答应自己爱你的心绝口不提 总是以为终究化作云淡风轻 爱你到底 痛了自己 我不愿放弃却要故意默默允许 我答应自己爱你的心绝口不提 所有结局在这夜里都已成形 爱到了底 痛的是我的真心

我真的哭过
说不上为人儿嬉
只不过太喜欢你
临别亦轻鬆得起
全靠奇技
你知道 尤其男人
不想痛哭牵连你
要再似往日时期
仍然浅笑 看著你

事实我也偷泣过
就像女方一样无助
预备你也想怪罪我
无情不哭也是错
对著前度大喊怎么可
谁明瞭我真的哭过
为著我将绝未可呵你更多
而往日犯的错
亦令我永远等到内疚
才令我有眼泪也滴破
----
我不要临别如濒死
都不要得到怜悯
要勉强快乐做人
常常哭泣 那合衬
男人 都压抑
然而都精於叹息
自问枉称坚强
连眼泪 也无力



His songs are just great.

nite expediton II (contd)

ok... the nite expediton is super boring... Mt vernon is like so quiet and peaceful... no eerie vibes:(
marina barrage was nice though... the view and scenery is great...
however......
haiz......
lols



well... something great did come out for the whole nite...
haha... thank you!!! :))

P.S. thanks for the crystal jade dinner. KM

nite expedtion II

well... on gyver's car now... listening to My Happy Ending...on the way to marina barrage:DDD
gonna enjoy one last nite of fun before going back to my school and work lifestyle. gonna start studying soon... ok.. gonna blog more later abt the whole nite expedition when i reach home.
haiz... lost at wat to do:((((


People on board: Gyver, Jerry, Kaming, Yan Jing, Angela, Samantha and of course ME!!!!

love

read ths msg just now on the train home from work. feel that it really true yet hard to do.
heard two diff stories from diff parties(both stories unrelated) with the diff ending. only thing that is similar is that both ended on a bad note and succeed in making me lose confidence in love and friendships. i wonder sometimes whether is it possible for two person to have a pure and unblemished relationship, be it friends or lovers.

so to all those who have been hurt in the process of love.
this is to you:

love... love like u have never been hurt before
love... love like there is no tomorrow
love... love so that there will be no regrets
love come to those who never fear being hurt by love
love come to those who carry on loving despite being hurt
love would eventually come to those who dare to love

all the best on the expressway of love.

life is never fair.. you never know when u might have to go.. so cherish all those around you... before they leave you... dun let the person/people who are important to you brush past you by the shoulders and never come back... dun consider too much... dun think too much...
LIVE LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW
:))

handwriting

just did this handwriting analysis test with very........... interesting os should i say hilarious results... especially on the sex part... hahahaha.... gotta admit its kinda accurate(excluding the sex part)...

well here's the results:
Sean has difficulty making decisions. His mind changes constantly. He lives in an emotional tug of war. Sean could be described like a thermometer. Today warm and friendly, yet tomorrow he may be distant and cold, not wanting to be close to anyone.

Some research indicates that people with a severe variety in the slant of their handwriting have an inability to tolerate sugar and are suffering the side-effects of too much sugar in their diet. If moods swings are a reoccurring issue, investigate the diet.

If Sean encounters a situation he cannot handle he frequently pulls into himself. He feels his emotions are secure if he is withdrawn. When he has solved the problem he can be very outgoing and again need other people's companionship. Some see Sean as very moody, but it it would be more accurate to say he has two complete personalities that he chooses depending on the circumstance. This type of person is often hard to understand because no one knows what personality he is exhibiting today. He may not be bothered by something one minute, then the next minute become upset at the same thing. It is very difficult to pin down Sean's emotional expressiveness.

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Sean doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

Sean will demand respect and will expect others to treat him with honor and dignity. Sean believes in his ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. He has a lot of pride.

Sean is secretive. He has secrets which he does not wish to share with others. He intentionally conceals things about himself. He has a private side that he intends to keep that way, especially concerning certain events in his past.

In reference to Sean's mental abilities, he has a very investigating and creating mind. He investigates projects rapidly because he is curious about many things. He gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but he soon must slow down and look at all the angles. He probably gets too many things going at once. When Sean slows down, then he becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, he must slow down to do it. He then decides what projects he has time to finish. Thus he finishes at a slower pace than when he started the project.

He has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. His mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. He can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Sean can then switch into his low gear. When he is in the slower mode, he can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. He is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

Sean is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. He needs to visualize the end of a project before he starts. he finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said he plans everything he is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Sean basically feels good about himself. He has a positive self-esteem which contributes to his success. He feels he has the ability to achieve anything he sets his mind to. However, he sets his goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". He has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, he will not take great risks, as they relate to his goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, his self-perception is better than average.

One way Sean punishes himself is self directed sarcasm. He is a very sarcastic person. Often this sarcasm and "sharp tongued" behavior is directed at himself.

Sean has a very unusual lower zone y loop. If the data input is correct, Sean's y or g is large and opens up to the left side of the page. This is not a common trait, but the implications are very interesting. As you begin to study handwriting analysis, you will learn any loop indicates imagination. This lower loop indicates the amount of imagination Sean has regarding sex and physical things. So, his lower zone stroke is large, so his sexual imagination is large and open. Furthermore, because the loop is incomplete and extends to the left, this indicates a particular fascination with certain aspects of sexuality that have not been fulfilled, yet. In a nutshell, Sean is open to some very new ideas sexually and is willing to try anything once.

For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Sean has no white space or margins on a typical sheet of paper. Sean fills up every last inch on the top, right, left, and bottom. Hmmm. If this is true, then Sean has a very aggressive personality toward others and quite frankly lacks a bit of respect for the space and property of other people. I would be surprised if Sean just comes into someone's home and helps himself to a drink in the refrigerator. This can be both an obnoxious personality trait and it can be assertive and effective in getting what you want. There isn't much fear of getting in trouble here, Sean finds plenty of reasons to break the rules and get in trouble. (Okay, perhaps when he was younger, not anymore?) Basically, people with no margins are a handful.

emoness

ok. mr chang lek gek say my blog very emo. so i say i wont post any emo stuffs for now onwards. den he say that will be hiding my emoness. -__-
why dun u just go 跳楼...

ACT BLUR = LIVE LONGER

should i say everything out in the open?
i am so sick of all these acting.
putting up a front everyday.
will acting blur really help live longer?
or would it kill slowly from the inside?
i'm left with not much time



我累了。心灰意冷。
其实在我心底深处
我知道自己傻
知道没希望，没可能
直到你说再见的那一天
就让我沉浸在这梦里面
虽然这梦并不是一场美梦
too bad to those who cant read chinese

life is great

life is great as it is now!!!!
and that is one of the greatest lie i have ever said

说好的幸福呢

你的回话凌乱着
在这个时刻
我想起喷泉旁的白鸽
甜蜜散落了

情绪莫名的拉扯
我还爱你呢
而你断断续续唱着歌
假装没事了

时间过了　走了
爱情面临选择
你冷了　倦了　我哭了
离开时的不快乐
你用卡片手写着
有些爱只给到这　真的痛了

怎么了　你累了
说好的　幸福呢
我懂了　不说了
爱淡了　梦远了
开心与不开心一一细数着
你再不舍
那些爱过的感觉都太深刻
我都还记得

你不等了
说好的　幸福呢
我错了　泪干了
放手了　后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着
要怎么停呢

怎么了　你累了
说好的　幸福呢
我懂了　不说了
爱淡了　梦远了　我都还记得

too many

there are so many thing i wanna say
yet there are also so many thing restricting me
will the day where all this restriction disappear come???

hehs. sound quite emo sia. but that is what i really feel. at the very least, i dun wanna post something that might hurt anyone.
dun think im talking abt u cuz its not u(whoever "U" are)

@#$%^&

DAMN!!! i skipped gems again. skipping HRM lecture also.

times

sometimes i think i am too dumb for you people to understand
sometimes i think i am too smart for you people to understand
sometimes it best not too think at all

most of the time i know i think too much
most of the time i know what i feel is right
most of the time its best not to think at all

(think tonite not sleeping le... or not tmr sure late for gems)

SERIOUSLY

i officially declare the end to all playing. it time for me to start studying. serious. even thought this MIGHT sound unbelievable to majority, no, to all people.

something really funny happened today. all thanks to daryl's golf club cover(protector wadever. i was sleeping in the pre-itp talk when i was woken by two short screams. haha. Ms. Chua was freaked out by daryl's hairy gorilla. SUPER LOUD AND PAISEH CAN!!! haha. she actually CRIED!!!! LOLOLOLOL

Had a great day out with 06 ppl plus shiqi at central. Lunch at taglio was great.

I want to apologize to people in my class or actually to my group which are the same three persons for all module. Sorry i didnt do anything for past tutorials and projects. i was having bad times but its no excuse. please let me know what is required of me and i will do my part ok... Sorry!!!

P.S. SCREW THE KNN FCUKER WHO STOLE MY PRAIA. DAMN U AND GOD BLESS UR SON WITH NO ASSHOLE!!!!


i take back my words abt changing u
it was wrong. i was wrong
nobody can remain the same after going thru such a thing
it's not fair for this to happened to u, or to anyone
i cant say i understand how u feel
nvr gone thru such pains
it's impossible to forget, this much i know
but moving on is possible
letting go is possible
time might not heal all wounds
but fren and family does
u have ur family and friends
i know its impossible for u to let go now
it takes time
but promise me something
dun hurt urself
cuz it'll hurt us all
my words still stand
i'll be here whenever u need me

super screwed

dear evelyn just told me that today i skipped RC CA1... super screwed lar... 20% gone just like that... DAMN!!! die lar die lar!!!!

P.S. im in gyver car at wisma carpark

screwed

shit... i realized i've been skipping school for too many time... damn... gotta freaking change my bad habit... work leave me exhausted and i tend to oversleep every morning which makes me feel like skipping class...
wonder which kind soul would volunteer to be my alarm...
sometimes i wish i didnt have to work.. haha... but i know that will nvr happen...

Night expedition on halloween

skip Blaw tut to go K@katong with LYNETTE(paiseh ar) Gyver, Jerry, Kaming, Sam, Junyu, Sheena, Sze kee(did i spell it rite?) and sherlim. super high. especially last few songs. totally screaming our lungs out. majority english songs cuz of gyver who totally sucks at chinese. KM was like sleeping thru the first half. some ppl left early as they have thing on. ended abt 6+ whr only gyver jerry sze kee km sam and me left. went to sam hse to pick up gyvers car and we left for dinner. ( sam is going zouk with her bro so didnt follow)

after dinner went to gyver hse, slacked play PS3 as gyver felt that it was too early to be scary for night ex. ard 10+ went to fetch daryl from tanah merah mrt. lols daryl brought 3 torchlights!!!! and we have like a total of 2 camera and 2 vidcam. den we went all the way back to queenways to pick up angela. gyver car petrol is FREE ppl!!!!

went OCH and on the way, we witness a 'disposal' of body.lols. finally reached OCH. went in first rnd after convincing angela that nth will happen...........................
on the second rnd a group of Gin Na wanted to join us as they didnt dare go in themselves.
lols. there is this kid who wanted jerry to be his partner but jerry straightaway refuse.lols. wondered if that kid is a gal will jerry refuse??? in the end that kid clinged to daryl. lols.
DARYL THE PROTECTOR OF SCARY KIDS
took some really funny vid( some part scary also k)
Most imptly, I WAS THE CAMERA MAN.
super stuffy and we all sweat like siao.
went changi airport for popeyes at ard 2+. after that we all went home. super tired. cabbed home with km. reached home ard 3. slept ard 5. and pls lar eve. chris tai not that free to go google ur blog ok???



i dunno if im rite but i felt that u are still thinking abt it.
rmd wat i told u on that nite? i meant wat i said.
inregardlessof wat u might think or feel
i really just treat u as a fren.
i'll will always be there for u
even if u were nvr there for me
it hurts me to see u like this
u've changed and i wish i could change u back

First Post

woooo... first blog post... (at least to majority of ppl)...
just gonna use this as a place for me to kao bei kao bu abt some stuffs of my life
maybe insult teachers a bit.. u know... the usual...
dun expect weekly or even monthly update...

going thru some tough time
but i'll be fine
always have and always will be